The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
