So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
