oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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