i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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