dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
