k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
