He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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