is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
