He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
