We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
