This girl is more easily done than said...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
