Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
