So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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