my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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