we made out on top of his cat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
