I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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