my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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