when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
