I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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