I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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