he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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