is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
