Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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