you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
