i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You're a disaster
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