I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
