fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
