I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
