I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
