Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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