oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
