he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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