hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
