At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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