Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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