He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
