Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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