i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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