I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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