found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
