We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
