So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.