Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.

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(330): The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31. http://tfl.nu/ugns

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(407): View more from Florida

at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions

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(407): at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions http://tfl.nu/ea5m

Replies (20) Good night (4732) Bad night (894)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted

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(860): I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted http://tfl.nu/x75x

Replies (7) Good night (4229) Bad night (728)
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(310): View more from California

can your parents tell?

(310): View more from California

i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

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(310): can your parents tell? (310): i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know http://tfl.nu/rda5

Replies (26) Good night (9729) Bad night (1623)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.

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(860): I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name. http://tfl.nu/83o9

Replies (22) Good night (5627) Bad night (1007)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.

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(703): I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver. http://tfl.nu/n7jh

Replies (23) Good night (5699) Bad night (1990)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.

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(860): omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning. http://tfl.nu/wknn

Replies (6) Good night (2220) Bad night (1375)
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(519): View more from Ontario

we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning

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(519): we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning http://tfl.nu/bwa3

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(651): View more from Minnesota

So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.

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(651): So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it. http://tfl.nu/j4ss

Replies (6) Good night (2180) Bad night (721)
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(845): View more from New York

you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god

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(845): you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god http://tfl.nu/778n

Replies (10) Good night (2743) Bad night (560)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.

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(202): I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing. http://tfl.nu/xvl1

Replies (24) Good night (667) Bad night (4300)
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(407): View more from Florida

It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant

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(407): It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant http://tfl.nu/td2c

Replies (9) Good night (468) Bad night (1094)
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(253): View more from Washington

Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.

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(253): Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight. http://tfl.nu/dlgc

Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (321)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.

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(202): He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today. http://tfl.nu/mcan

Replies (2) Good night (1113) Bad night (302)
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(714): View more from California

Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?

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(714): Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself? http://tfl.nu/qmio

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