I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?