So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me