I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.