when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment