I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.