Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil

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  (916): You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil http://tfl.nu/tid3
  Replies (5) Good night (1070) Bad night (570)
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  (805): View more from California

  I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.

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  (805): I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose. http://tfl.nu/niu3
  Replies (23) Good night (930) Bad night (2862)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The recession has changed everything man.

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  (412): Why are there hot girls at the dollar store? (410): The recession has changed everything man. http://tfl.nu/jvje
  Replies (9) Good night (3295) Bad night (658)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.

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  (570): He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander. http://tfl.nu/mcls
  Replies (5) Good night (1482) Bad night (840)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever

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  (720): My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever http://tfl.nu/wkge
  Replies (6) Good night (3438) Bad night (738)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"

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  (407): It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate" http://tfl.nu/k3ux
  Replies (1) Good night (834) Bad night (906)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.

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  (907): When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President. http://tfl.nu/0joq
  Replies (13) Good night (1725) Bad night (637)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.

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  (713): She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience. http://tfl.nu/a6s4
  Replies (5) Good night (1914) Bad night (691)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."

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  (337): Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her." http://tfl.nu/whil
  Replies (10) Good night (1801) Bad night (510)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.

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  (317): He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life. http://tfl.nu/c0aw
  Replies (6) Good night (413) Bad night (1660)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.

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  (814): i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy. http://tfl.nu/h82b
  Replies (0) Good night (499) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT

  (310): View more from California

  NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS

  (310): View more from California

  NOTHING

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  (310): NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT (310): NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS (310): NOTHING http://tfl.nu/o973
  Replies (12) Good night (674) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.

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  (718): Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again. http://tfl.nu/lmop
  Replies (2) Good night (514) Bad night (518)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  did you just send me my own nude

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  (630): did you just send me my own nude http://tfl.nu/pkyy
  Replies (1) Good night (632) Bad night (297)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here

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  (724): It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here http://tfl.nu/979n
  Replies (1) Good night (377) Bad night (165)

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