first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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