Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.

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(580): I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite. http://tfl.nu/hgau

Replies (12) Good night (798) Bad night (2588)
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(858): View more from California

batman tramp stamp. Dibs.

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(858): batman tramp stamp. Dibs. http://tfl.nu/38kl

Replies (56) Good night (10482) Bad night (903)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...

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(303): Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks... http://tfl.nu/ccgl

Replies (6) Good night (6220) Bad night (813)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.

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(612): It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go. http://tfl.nu/kgh1

Replies (7) Good night (853) Bad night (2123)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets

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(501): now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets http://tfl.nu/czok

Replies (9) Good night (2998) Bad night (847)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.

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(828): Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times. http://tfl.nu/we9q

Replies (12) Good night (2886) Bad night (649)
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(315): View more from New York

Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?

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(315): Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay? http://tfl.nu/8s61

Replies (14) Good night (2200) Bad night (916)
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(614): View more from Ohio

she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.

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(614): she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again. http://tfl.nu/e05t

Replies (2) Good night (2102) Bad night (1143)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours

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(403): Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours http://tfl.nu/wscg

Replies (9) Good night (1381) Bad night (645)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...

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(717): And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv... http://tfl.nu/8bd5

Replies (12) Good night (831) Bad night (1722)
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(916): View more from California

She said she liked strap-ons.

(1-916): View more from California

SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!

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(916): She said she liked strap-ons. (1-916): SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER! http://tfl.nu/41v6

Replies (14) Good night (2902) Bad night (641)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.

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(574): I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever. http://tfl.nu/zs85

Replies (7) Good night (343) Bad night (1328)
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(269): View more from Michigan

CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO

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(269): CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO http://tfl.nu/xwnd

Replies (1) Good night (760) Bad night (272)
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(206): View more from Washington

Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"

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(206): Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon" http://tfl.nu/mddc

Replies (4) Good night (776) Bad night (222)
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(716): View more from New York

Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at

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(716): Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at http://tfl.nu/gjoz

Replies (12) Good night (692) Bad night (261)

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