This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If I die, sorry about rent.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
