sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
