you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize