the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
