rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
