epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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