I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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