She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
