Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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