I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
