We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
