I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just pee around me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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