I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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