Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
