Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
