After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
