...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
