College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
