So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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