If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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