U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
