At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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