I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we're making bets on your personal life
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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