The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
