Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
